90-to-40: Oh.. wait. I get it.

Day 76:

I started this "90-to-40" project to take you along with me as I turn 40. Should be kind of interesting, right?

However, I feel like it's morphing into some sort of manic, roller coaster that is happily cruising down a side street. But... I have written my truth, thus far. So... I am okay with that...

WAIT... No! No... I am not okay with that.

Maybe this project is more about rediscovering my passion for writing and putting it BACK as a priority in my life. I mean... I used to be a spoken-word poet for crap's sake... what happened?

I'm "that guy" who bungee jumped, hiked forrest trails, and then got up in front of random strangers and poured out my twisted little soul about way-too-personal topics. My cohorts were "the chick who screams 'Bring me my shoes!" during her readings, and "the dude who wrote poems about all the black chicks he's been with" and "insane angry guy."

What happened? Where did my brave, bold Craig go?

To be honest, I think I died a little inside for a while. I got screwed over and passed over. I got my ass handed to me and few knees to the groin enough that i just didnt have it in me. You know, after you get hit in the nads a few times... you start wearing a permanent cup and make it a point to avoid anyone with knees.

I know... I am a little older and a little more cautious. As people-like beings, we settle into life and our attention becomes divided in a million directions. Different things make us happy. Different dreams emerge. We change.

I am still bold... but with different intentions. I am brave... but with more personal adventures.

My sojourn through that "yellow wood" (like the poem by Robert Frost,  'The Road Less Traveled') has diverged - again. I can feel it.

As I stand here - clock ticks away from the decision point - I am leaning again toward the path fewer people choose - or just setting off to blaze a new path. One that is ALL my own.

I once told a friend that he was the type of person who goes ahead and crosses the narrow bridge,  then stands on the other side and waves others to "come on across... it is safe." God... I want to be that guy. Not for pride... but because I know the beauty in a life like that and I want others to experience it. It is...  a good life. That's the only way I can describe it.

As my road diverges... and my spirit wakes up... I hope to find the path that makes "all the difference."

Oh.. wait. I get it....

This project isnt about getting older at all. It is about re-engaging with my passion for living - at any age.

Craig