I didn't know it would be so hard to open up. The goal of sharing my thoughts about the 90 days before I turn 40 is to publicly document the process and share the experience. Not only the process of writing, but the process of growing and changing. And, I'll tell ya... it's not easy.
Over the past few days I've taken a look at some of the values that are important to me. That, however, doesn't cut it in my book. I want to go deeper - come what may. I want to show you - and me - who I really am.
Earlier today, a friend invited me to a Kelly Clarkson concert this evening. A super cool gesture. I accepted. I have seen Kelly in person and she is a phenomenal singer and lyricist. One of my favorite songs is "Dark Side" - it describes perfectly the fear that I will need to overcome in order to really confront this project and transcend where I am now.
I talked yesterday about how everything before now is just history. If so, then why is it holding me back? Why does it define me?
Because I let it.
I believe that in order to overcome fear, we must run headfirst into the thing that scares us the most. Turning 40 doesn't scare me. But, the choice I've made to look deeper and share it publicly does scare me.
It took me years to overcome whatever it was inside of me that made me feel unworthy. Finally, I learned to believe in myself and that I was not broken. Or, if I was broken, that I am not beyond repair.
Over the years, and with a lot of help, I've mostly silenced the voices of those who put me down, took advantage of me or abused me. Yet, it is far too easy to rest in a protective stance than to lay it all out there. Complacency is the only thing that can keep a dark side, dark. And everything is scarier in the dark.
So, will you still love me, even with my dark side?
Watch Kelly Clarkson's "Dark Side"